Reshaping it All

Cauliflower Poppers

2012-03-05T06:30:00.000-08:00

No, not fried and greasy, but healthy and tasty! I am a sucker for "bar food" but it doesn't agree with weight loss or even my belly. So, I have been working on creating some healthy treats for weekend fun. These would be great to bring with for a football gathering - healthy but has that spicy kick that anyone can enjoy, without any guilty feelings!

Healthy Cauliflower Poppers

adapted from Weight Watchers

Ingredients:

1 head of cauliflower

Cooking spray

1/2 tsp chili powder

1/2 tsp cumin

1/2 tsp garlic powder

1/2 tsp black pepper

dash of salt

Instructions:

Cut up head of cauliflower, making each piece roughly the same size and "bite size."

Toss the cauliflower in a bowl. Spray with cooking spray. Season the cauliflower with all the ingredients, tossing to coat evenly.

Bake the cauliflower on a stone or cooking sheet for 10 minutes at 400 degrees. Stir the cauliflower once while baking.

Pounds down

2012-03-04T14:55:00.000-08:00

Emotionally for the last few months I have been struggling. I didn't know why I wasn't feeling well and I struggled, which meant turning to cookies, pizza and junk. I have had a bad time with food and feelings for a long time. I love food when I am not feeling well, and more so when I am happy. I love just going out with friends to dinner, but I use those as excuses not to make good choices.

As of the last few weeks I have made some major changes. I am roughly 10 pounds lighter than I was at the end of January and I am ready to lose the next 20. I am working on being healthy, both emotionally and physically. I am tracking (Weight Watchers) like a queen and feeling good when I say no.

I can't even explain the turn exactly, but I think I had to hit the bottom before I could go to the top. I feel like God has personally had his hands in my life. I want to make changes to be a better person, for God and for myself. I want to work on the purpose for my life, because for the last few years I have really been struggling.

Sidelined

2012-01-14T11:33:00.000-08:00

So, working out on Thursday was not a good idea. My crampingseverely increased by the end of the work out and throughout the evening, whichwas frustrating since I was finally starting to feel a little better.

But, this really made me realize that in this period offiguring out what is wrong and dealing with pain, I am going to have to watchevery since morsel that I put into my mouth. I have known for a long time Ihave issues with food, but lately I have felt overcome with frustration withmyself. I can’t stop at one bite or one cookie. I hoard the food and eat like Iam never going to get another meal. Treats are horrible. I can’t have one pieceof my favorite candy, I eat it until I am literally sick. I binge, but do notpurge. Sadly, I have wished that I could be anorexic and control myself….admittedlyI see those girls have strength rather than a disease. This is horrible I know.But I wish that I could listen to that voice inside myself craving a brownieand crush it.

A fellow dieter and blogger, Lorrie, just mentioned a book that she found online.It is called Battle over Binge and was written by a girl who struggled withbinging and purging. She knew that she too had issues with food, but thoughtthat it had to be more than self-medicating or stress eating, or othercontributing factors.

Lorrie wrote on her latest blog post about her initial experiencewith the book, “But something changed in those next three hours. I learned thatI am not all of the horrible things I always believed I was because of my bingeeating. I learned that I am not an emotional eater or addicted to sugar like Ialways thought. I learned that when I changed my career, hair, or boughtsomething new, I was trying to change my life. I was trying to fulfill and fillevery corner of my life with events and stuff in a desperate attempt torecover.”

I am going to read the book, because of Lorrie and the 18other reviewers on Amazon. All five star reviews – and the more we know theeasier to battle the addiction. I do not want to feel like I am in the clutchesof food. I do not want to think about all day every day. To crave what I can’thave and look at my stomach in disgust.

With all this downtime because of my medical issues, theselast few weeks I have had more time to read, think and watch tv. And more timeto feel like I am gaining weight because I am not going to the gym like I hadplanned for my New Year’s resolution. I feel sidelined.

I love reading and learning. Reshaping It All and Made toCrave have been great helps too. I think Brain over Binge will also help haveinsight into who I am and why I deal with food the way I do. If you read it too…pleaselet me know what you think!

No matter what

2012-01-12T07:22:00.000-08:00

So, I know I have been gone for a while. Christmas, well actually the whole month of December, blew. There were treats everywhere, every day. I tried, but loss self-control when faced with cream cheese based dips, peanut butter blossoms, breadsticks and hamburgers. Ugh, I FAILED. So, I ended up giving up. Saying that I would start again in January.

January first I was back on the bandwagon. I tracked everything on Weight Watchers and started going to the gym (12 times is my goal to meet my insurance refund). Then came January 4^th. I had a doctor appointment because I was having some pain in my pelvic area. My doctor said that I had cervical stenosis and my uterus was full of blood. She tried to open up my cervix and told me to expect the worst period of my life. Well….I had the worse pain ever, but no blood released. I called on Thursday because the pain was unbearable and was put on pain killers. I had to eat with these pain killers or I got sick. I tried eating within my points, but it seemed that the heavier, fattier foods would make a different in having less side effects with the pain killers. So I lost track of it.

When I weighed in on Monday I was 179.6. I gained a pound last week because of all the food, and probably water weight because I was drinking a lot. I kept it up until I decided today I would still log all my food. I astonishingly haven’t gone over all my extra weekly points, but I have been making horrible choices. I decided today that I need to follow my diet plan and seek my goals no matter what was going on in my body physically.

I would love your prayers – I am waiting on the doctor to call me and tell me what is next on my medical journey. It will obviously be more invasive than last week and I am not sure I am very excited about that. But, going a day without pain will be a blessing. It has been a stressful week for both me and my husband.

I will leave you with this fact – CUT Toaster Strudels from your life….I found out today that they are 5 points each! And I ate two today. Ugh…I hate that the good things are always the worst for us!

Made to Crave

2011-11-15T08:36:00.000-08:00

I haven’t written in a while. Life goes so fast sometimes. I took a small vacation and went to quilt retreat with my mom, sister, aunt and grandma. It was a fun time, but it was trying. There was food everywhere! Around every corner was a snack table full of salty and sugary treats. Each meal was extravagant and tempting. I failed at staying away from treats and stay on my Weight Watchers plan.

But – God was still there looking out for me. About a week before retreat I downloaded “Made to Crave” but I had yet to start reading it. Lisa, the camp director, gave small sermons each evening and the 2^nd evening the sermon was centered around information from that book. So, last Saturday night I decided that it was time to pull out the Nook and start reading the book. I was absorbed. It was me in every one of Lisa, the author, words. The vicious cycle and struggle to get rid of my cravings for food. Running to food for all emotions, running to food to celebrate, gorging myself because I eat like I am never going to have another bite.

Lisa’s prayer is my prayer – that I run to God when I am happy, sad, lonely, celebrating or grieving. I run to God when I am craving something and run to God when I need wisdom. Plus, and it is hard to admit, but I think I have issues with gluttony. I literally stuff myself sometimes until I am ready to throw up. Not good people. So, I am making changes. I am praying when I am struggling. It is hard to believe sometimes that God really cares about what I put into my mouth, but I think He does. He does because I use it almost like an idol rather than eating to live.

God, I recognize I am made for more than a vicious cycle of being ruled by food. I need to eat to live not live to eat. So I keep asking you for your wisdom to know what to eat and your indwelling power to walk away from things that are not beneficial for me.

I am at 175.4 today. I am making changes in my diet, including cutting out sugar and treats and staying away from gluten (mostly wheat, I am eating some brown rice and oats). It is not going to be easy, but I know that I need to cut it out until I have become so disciplined that I can take one bite, enjoy that bite and walk away.

Happy Halloween

2011-10-31T08:10:00.000-07:00

So this weekend I gained back the 2lbs I lost during the week. That seems to be my cycle lately. Lose a bit, gain a bit.

I just am struggling so much with myself. I want to eat all food, not to have to restrict myself and so it is a constant struggle. I wish I lived in a remote place without so many choices to eat out and so many options at the grocery store. I love food and definitely have a love hate relationship with it. I feel like my body goes into defense mode every time I eat and I feel like it is going to be the last meal I ever have. I am nuts.

This week and next week are going to be a struggle for me. I am going to quilt retreat with the women in my family and quilt retreat is chocked full of food. There are three huge meals with awesome food from the camp chef and then all throughout the day there are treat tables around ever corner. It is so easy to mindlessly eat everything in site.

I am going to go with the mindset that I am not going to have anything off the treat tables. I will also take large portions of salads for my meals and have the actual meal parts just be side dishes. I need to learn self-control FAST. I did download Made to Crave onto my Nook and I should really start that today. I have avoided starting it for some reason, but today has to be the day.

Happy Halloween! So far I have stayed away from candy (even though it is only 8:54am) but I am on track for the day! Keep me in your prayers….I need them!

Weigh in day

2011-10-27T06:00:00.000-07:00

Today is my weigh in day. I am back up to 177.8. So, in three weeks I am back to where I started. I was down three pounds and sucessfully gained it all back. I am frustrated with myself.

I am going to pray every time I want to grab food. That is my small goal for the week. I am also going to try to cut out wheat. I have the Wheat Belly book I need to start, but haven’t yet. I am going to finish the book I am reading and start Wheat Belly tonight.

I also am going to make sure that I track EVERYTHING in my Weight Watchers log. I was REALLY bad about logging last week. So I am going to make sure that I write down what I eat because I know that it is SO easy to stick food in my mouth without even thinking about it.

I printed out a bunch of positve messages from my Pinterest board and my list of reasons to eat healthy and I will post them all over so I can see them all the time. I need a constant reminder of why I am working on losing weight.

On a side note…running is NOT going well. My body does not like running. So, I think I am scrapping that idea and just working out. I found workout cards for each day of the week that I can put on my ipod and follow. The nights I work at Target I try to walk around a lot and I just have to remember to eat healthy while I am there. I should really get my rear out of bed early and do the 30 day Shred…

I wanna know

2011-10-26T11:00:00.000-07:00

I was listening to Air1 in the car during lunch and Anthem Lights’ song “I wanna know you like that” started playing. I was singing along when I realized that these words were really a prayer for me. I really do want to know God in a personal way and to live my life in a way that Christ did while he was here on earth.

Then…the conviction hit. If I want to know God “with every breath that I breathe and I wanna help other see” then I need to work on my relationship with God. I need to grab my bible instead of my nook. I need to put down my iPod touch, not play a game of Hanging with Friends, and pray. I have so many idols…including eating, that I never realized how much I put in front of God.

I will never know God in the way I want to unless I work at it. I need an exercise schedule for God just as much as I need an exercise my body. I need to make the right choices with food to keep my body healthy and I need to make the right choices with my spiritual life to increase my relationship with God.

Read these lyrics…I hope they touch you as much as they touched me today.

I wanna know

Just today
I heard a story of a pastor far away
Who watched his church walls fall with the rain
With tears in his eyes
Here is what he had say
"Let's reach the ones that will rebuild this place"

(Chorus)
I wanna know You like that
To live, to love
With everything I am
To give it all
I wanna know You like that
To become
A man after Your heart
And not look back
I wanna know You like that

I wanna know
I wanna know
I wanna know...

Like David did
He lived a life this world cannot forget
He'd fall so hard then get back up again
Then face the giant knowing he would win
Because You were with him

Chorus

With every breath I breathe
I wanna help others see
And I will never stop
'Til everybody's singing (X2)

Chorus (X2)

I wanna know, I wanna know
I wanna know, I wanna know
I wanna know You like that (X2)

Forgiving myself

2011-10-20T11:41:00.000-07:00

I know better. I know that found should not be a comfort or a reward. Yet, here I am. I ate nachoes last night with two light beers. Today I stopped at McDonalds and then went to Buffalo Wild Wings for lunch. I am a glutton for punishment. I have my period and am having a rough week at work…and food is the first place I turn to.

I wish I could burn off my taste buds…but I don’t even know if that would work. It is not so much what I eat, but how much I eat. I feel like a constant disappointment. I am sure my husband is going to ask why I went to BWW for lunch when I told him that I was not going to eat out.

Tomorrow…I am going back to normal. I am going to put myself first, not my stomach or my emotions. I have not run this week and I need to tonight, no matter how much I do not want to.

The nice thing about Weight Watchers is that I have logged all the junk I have eaten and I can now just get through the rest of the week without using any extra day points and I still may come out losing some weight this week.

I need to learn how to react to disappointment and emotional strain without reaching for a buttload of food. I don’t understand why going out and having “forbbidean” food makes me think that things will be better. After last night I emotionally felt the same and physically had more of a headache and was even more tired. Today, the food was good, but now I feel quilty for spending the money and eating those calories.

I think I am going to print out all the fun little motivational things from my Pinterest board and put them up everywhere…they make sense.

So self, I forgive you for eating horribly the last two days and not going to the gym. But right now, you know better and you are going to change your lifestyle. You are not backsliding anymore. You can do this. You will be healthy and feel better in your clothes. You are forgiven, loved and strong enough to make these changes.

Struggling

2011-10-18T17:18:00.000-07:00

I am almost finished rereading "Reshaping it All" and I think I am absorbing and thinking about the words a lot more this time. I am ready to hear the words and make changes in my life.
I weighed in at 175.2 this morning. I am losing weight, which is awesome. But I feel like I am struggling SO much more this 2nd week.

The book reads, "Losing weight is great, but the truth is that our pants size isn't what bugs us the most, is it? It's our failure to control our appetite time and time again. It's the overwhelming feeling that we're in bondage to food. It's the feeling that we're trapped in a body that has control over us. That's why we want change. That's why we need change.

So true, I feel like a constant battle inside myself. I know I have some food issues, but some days I feel like I am abnormal, like I have a big issue. I have huge control issues. I could finish a whole bag of Oreos instead of being able to have just one. I eat till it hurts and I think about it all the time.

I possibly think I may fast. I have never fasted and never believed that I could. But I think I need to rely on God and work with Him rather than try on my own. I know that part of fasting is using the hunger pangs to remind us to rely on God. I don't rely on God unless I am in the pit of desire. I don't rely on Him to get me through each day. Most days I don't even believe that is true. I am not sure that He cares about what I put in my mouth. But maybe I just need to have more faith? I think this is my next biblical quest. I need to figure out my relationship with God and with food.

Need some energy

2011-10-14T12:26:00.000-07:00

I am having a really hard time today. I am exhausted and all I want to do it sleep and shove cookies down my throat. I am even trying to talk myself out of going running tonight, but I know that if I want to run in December I have to keep running now. I wish I could find some extra energy…I know that the next few hours are going to be hard and that I am going to have to really push through my workout tonight. Self-discipline is NOT fun right now.

Tired and Crabby

2011-10-13T07:36:00.000-07:00

I am tired, crabby and hungry. I am trying to fight the desire to eat something crappy. There is chocolate in the break room, but at 2pts a pop it isn’t a good idea. Plus, I just gobbled up a banana. I have to wait for it to reach my stomach. My whole schedule is killing me right now. I am tired from working late, crabby from people not listening to me and having too much to do and no time to do it and hungry because I am training my stomach not to need a ton of food.

On a good note, when I weighed myself this morning I am 175.8 today! I have done really well since Sunday and feel so good about myself. I said no to candy last night at work and made sure to walk around the store a lot since I was not able to go to the gym. 1.6lbs lost in 4 days is a good start! I am hoping to lose around 2lbs a week or more!

Ok, I am off to pray and calm down. Today is a new day, I need to let go of the stressers and just focus on doing 100% for today.

Meal planning and new sneakers

2011-10-11T04:00:00.000-07:00

The first two days have gone well. I have been a little hungry today, but I am trying to ignore them. I have had two meals and to healthy snacks so far, and then dinner tonight.

I also meal planned for this week and next. On my 2^nd job nights I have to eat quickly, but I am still going with a MoringStar corndog or black bean burger (sans bun). Here is my meal plan for the next two weeks. I will post reciepies after I make them!

Monday: Picante Stir-fry with white rice (11pts)

Tuesday: Chili Coke Pot Roast with roasted potatoes and tossed salad (13pts)

Wednesday: Corndog and veggies (3pts)

Thursday: Corndog and veggies (3pts)

Friday: Chicken Stroganoff with garlic green beans (11pts)

Saturday: Leftovers

Sunday: Taco Soup

Monday: General Tso Chicken with white rice (8pts)

Tuesday: Cheesy chicken shells with broccoli (11pts)

Wednesday: Corndog and veggies (3pts)

Thursday: Crockpot Burundy Beef with mixed veggies

Friday: Leftovers

I highlighted all the days I can workout in my calendar and will work through my 9 week running schedule in 8 weeks. On Saturday, after a week of running, I am going to buy myself new shoes as a reward and motivation. My old sneakers are over 4 years old and definitely need to be retired soon.

My ipod is helping me lose weight!

2011-10-10T05:04:00.000-07:00

I love technology and I have found some awesome ipod apps to help aid my weight loss.

Check out my favorites!

Get Running app - this is the plan I am using to train for my first 5K in December.

Pinterest app- I have two boards specifically for weight loss...one for Weight Watchers (low fat/healthy food) and another for motivation.

TargetWeight app - you can add your goals and the app will help you know if you are in a overweight or normal zone. Then you can add your daily weight loss or gain.

Weight Watchers has a great app! It tracks my points, has the calculator and lots of recipes! It even has a pizza, cocktails, pasta and salad cheat sheets, along with a portion estimator.

The start

2011-10-09T06:53:00.000-07:00

Today is weigh in day. I weigh 177.4. My goal is to lose 25lbs and today it is a weight loss journey and a change of lifestyle. I am going to get rid of this belly.

And to start out with some excitement...I have decided to do the Jingle Bell 5K Run in December! I don't run, but I want to. So, I am training it run with my friends!

I have an app on my ipod that I will follow, starting today! Today's "run" is a 5 minute warm up, run for 1 minute, walk for 1 1/2 minutes 8 times and then cooldown for 5 minutes.

I have never ran more than a few minutes and never a 5K - so if you have any tips please let me know! I am excited now to start running, but I know getting through these first few weeks of training is going to take a lot of discipline.

Learning to say no

2011-10-08T15:49:00.000-07:00

One of my biggest hindrances to losing weight is a big lack of the ability to stay no. My goal for the first week is to learn how to say no and to build up resistance to saying no.

It takes 21 days to create a habits and I am going to focus on a no habit. Not only am I going to say no to bad food for me, but I am going to learn to say no to bad temptations - such as restaurants without healthy options, bakeries, ect.

To help build up my resistance (good words from the book Reshaping it All)

Pass junk food aisles at the grocery store
Make healthy choices when eating out
Pass on goodies at the office and meetings
Take only one trip at the buffet
Eat until you are satisfied, not stuffed
Limit treats to once a week, not every day

Reshaping Missie

2011-10-07T19:58:00.000-07:00

I am starting a new blog and a new lifestyle. I need to lose weight for my healthy and to feel good about myself. In 2006 I was doing so well. I lost 40 lbs and felt so in control of my eating habits. Then, I started to slide. I met Paul, my now husband and we started to go out to eat for dates, I felt like I could loosen the controls and not say no to treats and junk food. I have gained back 20 lbs that I lost and a lot of my self-control.

So, this time I am putting things in the right perspective. I controlled my eating last time, but it consumed me. I want God to consume me. I want to rely on God and through His strength, teaching and wisdom to be able to battle my issues with food.

I am currently re-reading Reshaping it All by Candace Cameron Bure. There was so much good information the 1^st time I read it, I felt like I had to revisit it. I am going to try to read a couple books a month about weight loss to keep everything in perspective. I am also going to try to have one goal a week that I aspire to. And then thirdly, I have milestone rewards for each 5lbs lost.

I will weigh-in and officially start on Sunday. I will be following Weight Watchers and am thinking about slowly weeding out wheat and some dairy from my diet. I will let you know the plan with those once I start.

I am excited about the journey but I know that it will not be easy. But my quote for the journey, “I am not losing the weight, I am getting rid of it. I have no intentions of finding it again.”

So please join me, encourage me, yell at me when I don’t work out, but please just visit my blog! The greatest thing about the internet is that feeling that you are no in this alone!